Lessons Learned From Failed Dream #3: Missouri FFA State Officer

This article has recently received a lot of publicity of which I am very thankful for (don't get me wrong!) However, it is important to let all of you know that this original post was published over two months ago (and just got shared along with my Kenya-related blog posts) whenever the "wound" was still so fresh and painful. Because of that, I wanted to go through and add some of my thoughts now..looking back on both this post and my experience from the last two months. All of my new comments will be in blue, but I hope you're able to take more from the blue then you are from the black. Please now that all of you, state officer or not, are in my thoughts and prayers this year as you face your own "failed dreams"K. So this is going to be the realist post I've probably ever written, but I know there are so many hearts and people the need to hear what I have to say and what I learned over the last 6 months of preparation, soul-searching, and then not becoming a Missouri State FFA Officer.For starters: those of you who know me, know that being a state officer was one of my dreams all through high school. From Sarah, to Dan, to Jill, to Mr. Haley, to Libby, to Joenelle, to Nora, to Ally, to Claire, to Abrea, to Sonja, to Mrs. Abbott, to Samantha Marre, to my sweet friend Rylee, I wanted to join their ranks and serve the state of Missouri (or nation) and represent an organization that has literally caused blood, sweat, tears, and countless opportunities for me, the National FFA Organization. While there were times where I didn't necessarily agree with how my chapter ran things or handled situations, I will always be a proud supporter of what my local FFA chapter and the state and national organization has to offer to students that take advantage of the opportunities. While I had toyed with the idea of being a Missouri FBLA State Officer or running for a DECA District Officer, in my heart I knew that being FFA State Officer was the one thing that I wanted - perhaps more than anything. Yes, in the moment, and the months leading up to it, this was perhaps the thing I wanted the most out of high school. But, life moves on and there are bigger, greater, crazier things that even you can't dream of coming in the future. (AKA Kenya, more on that later)Becoming an area officer started my preparations for the job. Being a state officer is not glamorous, as I found out from my friends who had served previously, and is a stressful, time-consuming job that only reaped rewards if you dedicated your one year to making a difference. On top of college coursework, trying to start a professional life, adjusting to "adulthood", and whatever else college kids do, you're also responsible for chapter visits (which I sadly learned that not many officers do), workshops, speeches, and a slew of other tasks that occur throughout your year as a state officer. In recent years, some state officers haven't put their best foot forward for Missouri FFA and it tarnished the reputation of being a state officer quite a bit. (Side note: I'm confident this year's officer team will be the exception) I wanted to change that; I wanted to give members hope that regardless of what chapter you come from, what others before have done, or how you place on a contest team, you can be a state officer if you put your mind to it.There are high and low points of every single opportunity in life. State officers, for example, oftentimes take a smaller courseload freshman year and skip out on some of the clubs and opportunities of college for the sake of being a good state officer. Those of us who weren't blessed with that chance can take heavier courseloads, be involved more on campus our freshman year, but on the same token don't get that experience. While being an area officer prepared me for "this JOB" I felt I was destined to have, it more importantly gave me some of my best friends and one of my favorite opportunities of my whole FFA career. Ashtyn will likely be in my wedding; I will forever miss Thane's weird music choices, working the State Fair, Jamestown's humor, and Ethan's personality; the California advisors who overtime became the 6th and 7th advisor/dad figures in my life...among the many many many other things that I was lucky enough to experience that year. Yes, I thought it was preparing me for state office - and it did - but in the meantime, and looking back, it gave me more than just this "prep", it gave me a new FFA family. Preparations I have a tendency to be a  frantic planner and I wanted to ensure that I was nothing but prepared for the one interview - the one shot - to show a panel of people who didn't know me who I was and why I was the best for the job. But, I knew that preparing for one interview, for lack of a better word, was a dumb strategy. The moment you are selected, you ARE a state officer and I wanted to be prepared for that moment, that chance. I read leadership books for days, I knew my strengths and weaknesses and what I brought to the table in and out, I strengthened my SAE to a level that I was happy with, I took chances and pushed myself, I prayed a whole lot, and I had some tough conversations with mock interviewers, my advisors, and former state officers about the job. It was a huge part of my lifestyle, without a doubt, and looking back, I know there was nothing that I would've changed about my preparations, about my interview, or about the person I was at that moment. Having no regrets is what makes it so much easier to deal with. So, the night of my interview I was at peace and throughout the process, I was fine. I had prepared for the job and I was calm knowing that I could handle the job and represent Area 8. I left each round feeling confident and content with my answers, knowing that I presented my best self each time.I'm willing to vouch that I would not be HALF the leader I am today if it weren't for those months of preparation. I believe so strongly now that it was not in my best interests to be a state officer that I am able to see that preparation PROCESS and how applicable it is to my real life and what I am doing right now. The key word was "process" and that process made my last year in FFA, and all that followed, one to remember. At the end of the night, I wasn't picked. (And for those of you who follow me, you've known this for quite sometime.) As heartbreaking/shocking/awful/no fun/unfair/annoying/insert negative adjectives this was to deal with at first, it has made me realize that God really does have everything happen for a reason and he doesn't give us anything that we cannot handle. (PS this wasn't my first thought when not getting it, don't be fooled, it's grown on me over time!) Before you stop me, hear me out...it was tough. I'm lucky that my forever friend Ashtyn was there that night to listen to my heat-of-the-moment complaints and to calm my aching heart. I'm happy Halle got an area office, maybe people wouldn't talk about how I "failed".  I'm thankful for Mr. Morris and others reminding me how the system can be flawed (key word- CAN be) and how people do slip through the cracks at times and how the areas with two or three high quality, highly qualified candidates always lose out. I'm glad that my advisors saw the pain and felt it too that evening. This isn't to say that the best candidate was not chosen that evening, it's to say in that moment I thought that person was supposed to be me. It would've taken me a long time to get over it if Joey wasn't available to cry to after the announcement and to tell me that I still looked pretty, even if that wasn't the point.

Thoughts from two months later - While I wouldn't of at the time, I am so eternally thankful that God decided not to give me the chance to be a Missouri State FFA Officer and instead rerouted me to Kenya and other opportunities I have yet to know about. It takes a very special kind of person to be a state officer and while I don't doubt that I could've handled the job, I think that the team that was picked for this year and the person who was selected from my area will do a much better job. 

In the end, I survived. And you will too. And I am happy. That's the key part -- I didn't just miserably moved on with my life, I am entirely happy with what happened and where I am now and how my life is going. I am so excited for college, in a way that I don't think I (this is me personally) could be if I was also a state officer. 

(Katie, if you're reading this, I cannot wait for you to show our state that it IS possible to be a college athlete on an athletic scholarship AND a state officer. You have such a platform to reach those student-athletes in our organization & to show them that they don't have to be "one note", they don't have to pick, and that they CAN do both and be successful at it. Our area is lucky to have you and I see that so much clearer now.)

I'm not trying to write some fluffy post about how you should just get over not getting things that you dream and hope and pray about, because I know firsthand that it is not that easy. It took weeks to be "okay" with it (side note: It. Is. Okay. To. Not. Be. Okay.), to realize what I know now, and to let God work his magic.This is almost an open letter of sorts to the people I know who were as deserving, qualified, engaging, good-hearted as the dozens of other state officer candidates around our various areas, this year and years before, who didn't get the chance to write "state office" on their resumes, Instagram bios, and on their hearts for the upcoming year. It's more important to note that this is NOT intending to demean, shame, or guilt the current (or past) state officers for FFA, or ANY organization for that matter, for getting the position that they too so desperately were preparing and searching for (especially those of you would do a good job). Instead, I hope that this is taken as more of an "end of a chapter/opening of another" for those of us who aren't state officers.Yes, some state officers don't do a very good job and for them, this is intended to be a "wake up call" that there are people who desperately wanted to be in your position that night at State Convention when you were inducted to your position. It's not something that is unknown to those of us who have been involved with the National FFA Organization for awhile, but I am not, by any means, saying that every state officer is bad or undeserving. Below are some of my takeaways for my fellow "has-been" wanna-be state officers:

1. It is A dream, not THE dream. This is one of my favorite lines, ever, and recognize that being a state officer was only one of the dreams that you will have. You didn't get it? I can't stress this enough: Make a new dream. Mine was to be the #1 individual in the state of Missouri in Agriculture Sales; I couldn't have accomplished that if my head was focused on state officer placement interviews that occurred the same morning. It's great to have your "eye on the prize", but back-up plans are important too.I still believe that you need to have the mantra of "it's A dream, not THE dream" in all that you do. It's put everything into so much perspective and makes the blows less painful and the wins more humbling. 
2. The job was not meant to be your opportunity; it's his/hers. Lucky for us, this year's state officer team could be (definitely will be, lol) one of the better ones in history. The opportunity to represent your area was given to someone else, yes, but that doesn't mean that you weren't enough for the job OR consequently, that THEY weren't enough for the job either. One evening, one panel of judges, two different current state officers, 2 state office candidates or 15, the quality of people in your area, how you felt that night, the politics of your area...there are a lot of extremities and factors that go into the decision that is being made that shouldn't have an impact but sometimes do. Different day, different outcome. However, at the end of the day, the outcome was not in your favor and you can't harp on that forever, just as you can't "oh if it was different state officers in the room, it would've been me" "if they would've done x I know I would've been picked". Don't do that. As much as you wanted that dream, so did they. It's his/her opportunity, not yours and honestly, it wouldn't have been you. It wouldn't have been me. Yes, it takes awhile to accept that and it's not entirely a fun process, but you have to accept that it happened as it did for a reason and that extremities or those variables wouldn't have made a difference (even if you really think they would've). Take those extremities out and don't harp on them, it is what it is and ACCEPT it. Also -- they got picked, so don't harp on that forever either. So much more is revealed in your character if you're mean or not supportive of whoever was selected from your area, because they deserved it too. Yes, you wanted it to be you and there is NO shame in that, but you're an FFA member and we support each other first and foremost. They would support you, you should support them..even if you think the outcome should've been different. Quite frankly, it doesn't matter what you think the outcome should be as that's not what happened. We can sit here forever and say "(Name) should've been a State Officer" and maybe (name) should've and could've and would've done great things for our state; however, that doesn't change the outcome that X IS the State Officer and the "should" doesn't matter.Wow, sorry for the added sass. I just think it is so important to let it go, realize they are the perfect candidate (AS THEY ARE) for the job and that it wasn't in your favor. It wasn't my opportunity and while at the time, I thought it was and I thought I couldn't live without being a state officer - it's still not my position and I'm not just surviving, I'm thriving! I wouldn't be in Kenya right now if it weren't for the dream of my high school career not coming true, and God redirected me to a different path that I will be forever thankful for.And quite honestly, in theory, yes I probably could've done the job of being a state officer. But, I am someone who places such emphasis on my academics, on being well-rounded, on my relationship with Joey -- that I have a feeling some parts of my personal life would've suffered. Looking back I can see where if I was selected there would've been some tough choices to be made.
3. If you're doing your job right, being a state officer should NOT define you. If you're a good state officer, being a state officer shouldn't be the only thing you're known for. The highlight of your entire life shouldn't be serving as a state officer, nor should it be anything FFA-related (that goes for all of you "just" FFA members reading this, too). The state office position is meant to be used as a foundation to bigger and better things for your future and Missouri FFA, not the point of which you start to descend. In reality, it's leadership position that extends into college, for a national high school organization, that you are no longer a member of at the end of your year of service. (SADLY - let's make alumni contests!!) This doesn't make it ANY less cool or rewarding, but just to put it into valuable perspective that I wish I would've had earlier. It's a one time opportunity that can make or break you, both getting the office and not getting it. Some people make the most of their year as state officer and others, unfortunately, don't. That being said, it matters just as much that you're "doing your job right" as an FFA member. You may be a stellar member and have awards and accolades attached to your name, but at the end of the day, that doesn't define you and it's what you do WITH IT that counts. I've seen more times than not these "state officer wanna-be" who almost let that experience define them too; I'll say it before and I'll say it again -- what you do in the FFA Organization is meant to be used as a foundation to bigger and better things for your future AND Missouri FFA, with or without the position of state office. If you don't do anything to represent MO FFA well after you graduate, and you too end your "year of service", you're just as bad as those given the opportunity that don't do anything with it.
4. You won't get everything you set your mind to. Not every scholarship or every medal, every friend or every easy college class. It's not all going to work out, but let it go and move on because it's life. Passion doesn't count. Passion isn't the only thing you need to get places in life and if you take one thing from this post it should be this: don't put all your "eggs" in one basket. Be multifaceted. Have big dreams. Set your mind on more than one ambition. Do you. 
5. Don't blame FFA. It's easy to place blame on someone or something for the outcome, but don't bash FFA for an opportunity that just didn't fall your way. With or without a state office, I know that I've gain friends, lessons, scholarship dollars (yippee on free money!), real-world experience, office positions, and speaking opportunities because of this organization that I couldn't get anywhere else.

In the end I must say kudos to you, FFA, for letting me feel like a state officer everyday of senior year without the official title to put on my jacket. Being the senior that younger people looked up to, getting graduation cards  saying "I'll miss you in FFA" or "you showed me what FFA can for" made me feel more like a state officer than anything ever will. I helped contest teams and individuals do their very best, in and outside of my chapter. I spoke to crowds of over 600 people, including the Missouri Governor's Conference on Agriculture. I started a youth conference about agriculture and led workshops at different statewide conferences, in and outside of FFA. I won a state fall speech contest AND my state CDE which is advancing to Nationals this fall AND my proficiency award won state AND I was a state finalist for agriscience research. This isn't like a trending "humble brag"; I want to prove a point. While a lot of that was originally fueled by the desire to be prepared for a state office position, it has since changed my life. That "preparation" I did for state office? Yeah, it prepared me for life beyond the blue jacket and made my last year the best one yet. No regrets, folks. NO regrets. Plus, I now will forever be involved in a youth conference that's going to let me represent agriculture, solve world hunger, and get other kids involved for the REST of my life...all because of "state officer preparation". Crazy, right?

To those of you who may be reading this,  stuck with me to the end of this obnoxiously long post, and are wanting to be a state officer - I encourage you to look at the bigger picture. Know what you want out of your year, know what you want to be known for, and then step back and ask yourself what is stopping you from doing it right now. Reading all of those leadership books I learned that if you're waiting for the "right title," you're doing it wrong.  And that couldn't be more right. Be a state officer NOW with your actions, with who you are, and how you want to be remembered and I guarantee something great (beyond your dreams) will come out of it. It may not be state office, it may not be interning in Kenya, it may very well BE state office, but God won't leave you in the dust. (No money-back guarantees b/c I'm a broke college kid, hugs and kisses!).Two months ago, I would've never expected to be in Kenya. And while my story did have a bit of a happier ending than some of the others reading this, God will  never fail you and everything does happen for a reason. Yes, I was devastated. Yes, that final state convention was so so so hard. Hard enough that I almost skipped the entire thing. But, I promise, as cliche as it may sound, God will NOT leave you, you will be fine, and there is a light at the end of your tunnel. Every single thing truly happens for a reason and looking back, I am so lucky that God choose to give me Kenya instead of the state officer experience that I so badly treasured. To Libby, Kelli, Derek, Holly, Elizabeth, Nick, Clara, Robyn, Emma, Justin, Kassidy, Caleb, Tony, Zach, Mariah, and every other person who prepared their little heart out for the one shot at being a state officer, here's to you. You are all some of the most inspirational and crazy people I know and I'm so glad those of us who know you and were a part of your FFA journey got to see it through your every action. Keep doing you and know that you inspired someone (for all of you, count me on that long list of "people I inspired") and that you will continue to do so, with or without the state officer embroidery on the blue jacket in your closet, if you use what you learned in FFA for the better. Represent Missouri FFA in all that you do, and continue to do, and realize that even if your time in the organization is over, what you do will always make an impression on the program.

To Emily, Macey, Jacqueline, Natalie, Colton, Baileigh, Logan, Katie, Happier Heidi, Jessica, and the other state officers who I have yet to meet, we're all rooting for you. Go get 'em, 2016-17 Missouri FFA State Officers and realize that we are your BIGGEST fans.To any/all former state officers: Know that you had/have our love, support, and prayers as you serve this year (or any year) and that this post was never meant to make you feel guilty or ashamed or unworthy of the position of which you received (as long as you're not one of the few that didn't do a great job, then take this as a wake-up call) Aka YOU ARE WORTHY. So many times I've seen "wanna be state officers" bash their area's representative all year long when they did a phenomenal job, were equally deserving, and honestly the complaints are bologna.  It's oftentimes just jealousy and I want you to know that there are people who support you and are here for you on this crazy journey. I wanted to share the perspective of someone who didn't get it and saw the bigger picture and moved on, instead of someone who didn't get it and who was bitter for the rest of her life. Being a state officer is an incredible, wonderful opportunity and we couldn't be happier for you to be leading our state for the upcoming year. I hope no one took the contents of this blog offensively, as I (and so many others) will forever look up to the role of state officer and the quality of people Missouri FFA, and the National FFA Organization, produces each year. My goal in this was to let people see the hurt, the pain, the suffering, the anxiety, and the awful months and months of recovery the people who did not become state officers go through. No one has really said it publicly, but I consulted A LOT of "wanna be" state officers as I wrote this and I know my words are not, and will never be, unique to my situation.

Thank you to the State Officers before us who inspired us with some wacky Greenhand Motivational Conference skit, who challenged us with a deep workshop, or who became our Facebook friends just because.  You're the real MVP and the reason why so many of us want or wanted to follow in your footsteps.Thanks for reading my rant session and I hope you took something out of it.Side Note: Shocker, but if you're going to continue to be bitter about not getting a state officer position, you probably weren't cut out for the job anyway. :)Xoxo,Holly Proud FFA Supporter (State Officer Or Not) (extra side note: I'm not demeaning the position of state office or those who have or currently serve in that role and I hope no one took it that way. Being a state officer is a pretty cool gig, but perspective is always important. I know some of you worked just as hard to get to where you are as those of us who competed against you last spring. I'm thankful that there is so much competition for these positions across our state and that these decisions don't come lightly to that panel of judges who make one dream come true and shatter the dreams of many others. Don't feel guilty about the dream you achieved; just know you're representing all of us wanna-be state officer "has beens" too.)